While writing this post, I’m sitting in the train from Hilversum to Amsterdam Zuid, with Vic (Fuentes) singing the lyrics to “Tangled in the Great Escape” in my left ear (right still kinda doesn’t work). It’s about 6.30pm, Monday. That morning started off quite differently than I expected. Let me paint you a picture…
I have been staying at my friend Emily’s room for a few days, because I haven’t been able to find a room for myself before my internship at Brand New Live started. Emily was renting a spacious room in a house of a lady. We knew that lady would be coming home on Sunday, so we planned to introduce me then and ask if I could stay for a while longer. However, yesterday (Sunday) Emily and I came home when the lady was already asleep. Next day then, we thought. Well…
I got up this morning, did all I had to do, and walked over to the front door. It was locked. I really needed to catch my tram and Emily was still asleep. All of a sudden, I saw a woman walking down the stairs. She looked at me with a blank expression. “Who are you?” she asked. It scared the shit out of me, seeing a random woman stare at me from the dark at 7am. She must’ve thought the same thing, seeing an unknown girl in her house, attempting to get out of that house. I didn’t really have time to explain myself, so I swiftly rambled all about how I’m a friend of Emily’s, doing my internship in Hilversum. That I couldn’t find a room and was desperate. That I had asked if I could stay a few days and that I actually had wanted to talk to her, but I really couldn’t talk right now, because I had to go to work and didn’t want to be late. If she could please open the door, please.
She looked at me with that same blank poker face and got her keys.
Let me note: I was winessing the slowest movements I had ever seen. As soon as the door was unlocked, I blurred out “thank you so much!” and power-walked out the door.
I spent my whole day worrying about this situation. Would she be mad? Would she allow me to stay until I found myself a room or at least for a few more days? Would I even be able to find a room in the next few days? The lady was also subrenting another room, but that was still empty. I could ask if I could offer to rent that one for the remaining time of the month. She wouldn’t say no to that, would she? Hmm could I go back to Breda? Not really, ’cause even if I could stay at a friend’s house, I would have to travel so much every day, it would leave me exhausted. My physical weakness is a limitation I try to conceal with all my might, but one I am also really well aware of. Well, we’ll see. Emily and I will talk to the lady and we’ll figure something out.
At least, that was the plan.
A bit passed 6pm I got a call from Emily. A man from a housing agency came by to show some people the second room. Just like that, it was already subrented to someone else. The lady also said that she wanted me out of the house within 24 hours. 24 fucking hours. Dude. All of this, btw, got decided by her without speaking a single word to me. I can’t imagine Emily got much to say either, considering she only gets home around 6pm. That must’ve been one hell of a short conversation.
That’s when I realised everything was going to hell.
What am I supposed to do? I cannot find a room (which I can afford) wirhin 24 hours! Should I just spend my saved money from the summer on a hotel or youth hostel room? Or go back to Breda and just risk it? After tonight, I would have to place to sleep at… I need to call my mum and my friends to figure out where to even spend tomorrow’s night. I’ve stared at the contacts at my phone for a while, but I cannot call anyone right now, considering this situation really is my own fault (I knew the risk when I came here) and I’m ashamed to ask for help because of it.
And that’s where I am right now. In the train, on my way from internship to that lady‘s house, trying not to cry in front of all these people. What a day.
– Katrin –