Just at the start of this summer, my expectations of the next year were so different compared to now. I thought that my best friend was moving out the country and I’d never see him again. (I don’t count Skype as “seeing each other”.) I thought I’d stay in Breda until February, in my cozy and pretty perfect home until I moved to South Korea for a few months. I thought that the fact that I met so many new and interesting people a few weeks before, would be great during summer and after, and I’d have plenty of new friends. I thought I’d stay single for at least another year, and I was very happy about that. I thought I had all the time in the world to figure out how and what I would do exactly.
Guess I thought wrong, ay?
I don’t mean to sound too sad about this all. I mean, it’s not like I mind that one of my best friends remains in this rainy country I call home. This all just made me think about time, change and generally the unpredictability of life. Wauw, sounds kinda heavy, doesn’t it? Well, let me elaborate.
“Time is meaningless, unless we decide to give it a meaning.”
That sounds about right to me. You may feel like you have all the time in the world to go and meet up with that one friend or to go to the cinema with your brother, but we only realise how short it actually is when something changes and we no longer are able to do any of these things. Should I be sad about it? Nah, not really. On the contrary: being aware of this gives me the opportunity to live an even happier life, for I am grateful for every good moment I have. Also, it might stimulate some initiative to go do those things I assume to have ages for. I mean, time is made, not given, correct? If I don’t wanna do something, I will never have time to do it. I mean, yeah, dishes need to be done… but watching a movie while lying on bed is also a necessity once in a while.
What I find most important, is that whatever happens, it’s because of my choices and my decisions. There are a few things I can’t stand, and not being able to steer your own life is definitely one of them. No way in hell am I moving without my full consent, no way in hell am I starting a relationship without being confident I want to, and NO. WAY. IN. HELL. am I gonna let amazing people walk away without a fight. Whether it’s against distance (thank god for internet and phones) or the goddamn school board. I refuse. (Stubborn much?) Still, change remains a constant factor. You cannot run away from it. Unless you never want to grow yourself, but that seems like a waste to me.
Well, guess that’s the fun thing: you never know what might come next. Some things are worth protecting with your life. Others you might be better off letting go. Good luck figuring out what’s what.
– Katrin –